1

Spire University of the Third Age

Newsletter 

   ISSUE No 61                    www.salisburyu3a.org.uk             SEPTEMBER 2008

September is the month for selecting the groups you are interested in joining and meeting new challenges not only for you personally but also for the Group Leaders.
Those who did not come to the August meeting missed an excellent talk by Pam Goodall.  Now there was a challenge that not many of us would take up.  For Pam, when she was just approaching the age to join the U3A and find a new interest, decided to cycle round the world on her own!  Her adventures held us spellbound with wonderful tales of the kindness and hospitality she received along the way.  Some of the countries she peddled through were not ones to be recommended for groups of people let alone a woman on her own. Getting a Visa before entering each country seemed her biggest problem!  She travelled to us from Surrey by train and with the Bike that had carried her round the world.
The committee hope you all find something challenging (without having to use a bike!)  Remember the committee are at the coffee mornings and happy to help with any questions or help start a new group.

Hears to our second decade with Spire U3A.

Welcome to New Members

Jean and David Penny and Madeleine Drage

How Wonderful to be British! (Continued from May)

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.


NEWS FROM THE GROUPS

Digital Imaging for Beginners

We now have room for more members to join in this class.
The next class is on 26th September and then every fourth week. For more information ring: 01722 501218.                                   Sheila and Peter Read

Family History for Beginners

There is room for two more members in this group that started on Monday 1st September.  You can easily catch up at the second meeting on 15th September.  We meet at 2.00 pm every 2 weeks until Christmas.
Those interested please Telephone me on 01722 330123 or see me at the next monthly meeting.                                                               Mike Kirby

*Archaeology Group

Despite the announcement at the July coffee meeting the Archaeology Group will continue into next year at least. The proposed programme is as follows.

September - A visit to Glastonbury to study the Lake Villages
October     - Talk about Sutton Hoo
November - Talk about Aileen Fox, an eminent archaeologist in South      England.
2009
February    - Possible a visit to British Museum to see the Sutton Hoo               treasures   and some of the Salisbury Hoard.  This will depend on numbers.
March         - A talk on ancient farming methods.
April           - A talk on Sea Henge, Norfolk.
If any of the group have suggestions for further subjects this would be gratefully received especially if the suggestion was accompanied by an offer to give the talk !!!  None of us are expert just keen to share our interests.

Margaret McKenzie

*Science & Technology

Our first meeting will be on 29th September and will be a talk and a demo on how a Microwave Oven works. Chris Penfold will explain it all to you.
Dendrochronology is the subject on the 27th October by John Meadows of English Heritage who has kindly offered his time and expertise for us.

See the full programme HERE

*Spire organises these meetings but members from the other Salisbury U3As are invited. There is no need to have your name down to attend.  Just turn up on the day, usually in the Memorial Hall, Harnham, unless otherwise stated*


Children's Religious Thoughts

Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the bible even a little you'll find this hilarious!  It comes from a catholic elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments.   The following statements about the bible were written by children, they have not been retouched or corrected and incorrect spelling has been left in.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE. GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. SAMSON SLAVED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
4.MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
5. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
6. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
7.  THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
8.  MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL
9.  THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
10. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS. A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES
11. SOLOMON. ONE OF DAVIDS  SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
12. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
13. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
14. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
15. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
16. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
17. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
18. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
19. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
20. ONE OP THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
21. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY. HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
22. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY


It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.
“Well,” said the Director “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

DID YOU PASS, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?


Publicity Secretary Vacancy
I have held this post since May 2002 starting with Newsletter number 22!  I have learnt a lot and enjoyed every minute.  Not only did I get to know lots of people in Spire but also in the two other U3A’s.  Members have helped too and I have met and made many friends over the six years.  Now it is time for someone else to bring some fresh ideas.

The newsletter is printed every two months, which allows plenty of time to collect items to be included.  I must admit using a computer makes the task simpler.  I had only just acquired one when I volunteered and so I had to learn on the hoof as it were and I had no secretarial experience, but I managed and as I said earlier enjoyed the challenge.

The other part to this post is writing the Press report each month and sending it to the Journal.   Mary Poynter took this on for me last year as I had so many other commitments and I am grateful for her help.  You may think we do not send one each month but we do; it is up to the editor to include it!

You may have heard that I had an offer from a friend but family commitments suddenly upset the plans.  Is there anyone willing to take the post on?  I will be happy to help in any way if need be.  Contact me at the address below or see me at a meeting.                                       

Sheila


Articles for Issue 62 please, by November 1st 2008
Sheila Read, 12 Chiselbury Grove, Salisbury. SP2 8EP
Email:  s.read.frps@ntlworld.com

Return to Home Page